GoodBye

I am no stranger to saying goodbye.

But not in the sense of saying goodbye because you simply can't see someone anymore; which makes saying goodbye so much more difficult.

As I sat there on my bed, staring away from his gaze, I muttered out the words, each piercing my throat, "I don't think I should see you anymore". I even took a moment to let these words, sounding so extremely dry and pathetic, resound a while in room, clanging and banging each time they hit my own eardrum as I said it. Then I looked down, afraid to receive an answer, or any answer at all. I looked down because I was ashamed, I was hurting myself while trying to manage my desire to just hold on to him. I looked down, because I was afraid that all the time we shared meant far less to him than it meant to me.

He didn't sign any contract. He didn't make any promises. He didn't even clarify what it was.

I didn't care, because he gave me warmth; Warmth that might have been absent for what seems like eternity. No. That is not an exaggeration. In my darkest moments, I thought it was indeed eternal. I was doomed to eternal loneliness.

Even though that was extremely childish of me to think that I was deemed to be alone for forever, it was indeed real to me, the despair.

Then there he was, with arms open and accepting.

And he made no promises.

And I was immediately drawn to him, as if he was the tantalizing spring that eventually appeared in front of my unquenchable thirst.

 And that is why I must say goodbye.