Reminder

I am never afraid of honesty. When that bitter air flows around, bringing currents made of knives, cutting me into fragments, I only taste the sweet, sorrowful, but honest scent. 

If that stands true, if that’s what I expect of passerby’s in my life, why do I personally fall short of that hollow statement? 

Why can’t I be brutally true and naked in the eyes of others when I so desperately desire their looks to be revealing and just?

I only look into myself and find that poisonous mirror reflecting only what I want to see. No. It reflects what I want to become; and I see this slender, elegant, yet pretentious and vain shape giving me a haughty smile so hollow it haunts. 

But I look closer. I look past the blurry outlines of that shape and the feigned smile, and I found this vileness pooling in the sockets of whose face I recognized as my own. It creeps down, through the curves of my cheekbones, pouring out from the pair of ajar lips that twitch in disgust. 

And that vileness cries out, in agony, of imperfections I found so aggravating within my soul. It mocks, in roaring silence, that shallow figure appearing in the mirror and threatens to burn and shatter it in cruelty unimagined.

What keeps this vileness and this facade apart, as I take steps back, is my insecurity. This minotaur stretches its rippling arms and stops the collision, and then stares at me in utter arrogance; because its so powerful and invulnerable. 

I must kill that beast.

I must drain that vileness.

And I must blow away the smokey facade and shatter that poisonous mirror.

And then I can truly inspect this world, with bright eyes in such curiosity. 

I shall have tougher skin. I shall have clearer vision.

And I then will learn love. I will learn intimacy.

Like never before.